In Neitherworld I Trust
by Ann R Keys
Summary: Beetlejuice has four months to prove he can change or face an eternity in the Lost Souls Room. Like that's going to happen. Lyd's daughter could be his way out. But he doesn't know she is already being used as someone else's escape plan.


Don't be afraid of change.

You might lose something good,

but you'll gain something better.

-Unknown

Prologue

The smoggy atmosphere of the cramped office resembled the smokers section in a bar, a place Beetlejuice preferred to be, downing a tall glass of Captain Goregon.

_It would be better to be wasted then wasting away here_.

He thought of Dante's Inferno, the stripper bar that had appeared in Adam Maitlands miniature town. A distraction Juno had made in hopes to keep him docile. He wondered if it was still there. He didn't imagine they'd get any business without him. He couldn't imagine the innocent Maitlands would ever use it, though that was an interesting thought...

"I'll make this short and sweet, for both our sake." His caseworker said, interrupting his fantasy of a sexy drunken Barbra.

Struggling to regain focus, his eyes lingered on the strands of wispy grey smoke curling from the gash in the old hags throat. A smoke would be great too. He painfully watched her inhale the last inch of the diminishing cigarette before she spoke in her gritty voice. "This is the last time I bail you out, Beetlejuice."

"So you've told me, The previous dozen times." He drawled."Admit it, June bug, you just don't want anything to happen to me, because I'm just so darn irresistible."

The filter of the her cigarette was all that was left and she ground it into an overflowing ash tray. She eyed him with a look that told him she didn't appreciate his nickname.

To Juno, he may have appeared laid back: causally sitting there tilted in his chair, front legs off the floor; filthy booted feet, propped up on her desk; arms crossed over his chest like a rebellious school boy who had not a care in the world; and that trade mark smirk of his spread across his moldy face.

Despite how he looked, he was not feeling a tad bit relaxed in the least. His self control was slipping, he could feel it trying to gnaw its way threw his rib cage like an animal in captivity. Man, purgatory was a bitch! He was feeling severely agitated after spending what seemed like centuries in the waiting room. Patience had never been one of his strong suits. But he had managed to be on his best behavior all that time (as best as he was capable of), and to screw it up now would be a waste. In truth, coming back from the bowels of a sandworm had left him in a hell raiser of a mood, yearning to cause havoc in the waiting room and tear apart limbs. It would have made a shorter wait, but it also would have hurt his chances of avoiding the Lost Souls Room.

So he had pulled a few harmless pranks here and there on the other deceased waiting their turn. He needed to pass the time, somehow, without turning into a psychopath, gone insane from boredom. He had wound up with a shrunken head for a time, shortly after foolishly messing with a Witch Doctor, in an attempt to take his number. Thankfully, the side effect had worn off. Though he believed the look hadn't been all that undesirable. Even the model secretary digged it, or he has assumed she did. She never said anything about it while they were getting it on in the janitorial closet. Apparently size didn't matter to her, or at least not with that head in particular.

"I mean it this time, Beetlejuice, this is the last time, the final straw." Juno enunciated each word, hoping to get threw his stubborn skull. Though she knew it would more then likely have zero effect. "If you don't change your ways now, you will be sentenced an eternity in the Lost Souls Room. It's your choice."  
"Tough choice."  
But the poltergeists discomfort at the mention of the Lost Souls Room did not go unnoticed. It was a mere glimpse, a nervous twitch in the shoulders, but she did not miss a thing. Even Beetlejuice, the most powerful ghost in the Neitherworld, would not be able to escape the fate who he himself had consigned so many unfortunate souls to that dreary after death.  
Juno knew what it was like to be sentenced an eternity of hell. She lived it now. Day after day.  
She had ended her life by suicide. In doing so she had consigned herself to a never ending job of grouchy dead folk, and mountains upon mountains of paper work. A personal hell she had tried to escape. How ironic was that?  
She couldn't help but feel a small amount of sympathy for the poltergeist, even though she knew he didn't deserve it. He was a deviant and a rule breaker, the crowned king of discord. The dead could have no peace with Beetlejuice in the neighborhood. And he had tried to spread his chaos to the living neighborhood by marrying a human girl, Lydia Deetz. Their bond in marriage would have guaranteed him a free ride in the Overworld to do as he wished. Something to be avoided at all costs for a ghost so powerful.

"That family didn't deserve what you did." she scolded. " And I don't deserve all this paper work" she waved her hand in annoyance over the piles of paper strewn across her desk. "But, you did save the Maitlands from being exorcised and so you have been given a reprieve."

"What the hell do you mean a reprieve, I heard you explicitly say you got me bail?" Beetlejuice growled. His presence shifted to threatening as he moved to loom over her.

She looked at him coolly, took her time, taking another drag from her most recent cigarette. "I have, for the time being. Did you really think you would be let off scott free? I did what I could but the Courts are fed up with your antics. You have four months time to prove you can change, or else, you will be exorcised."

Instantly there was a static in the air, and a wind without origination stirred the papers from Juno's desk and snatched them into its current. It was apparent the strange weather derived from the now levitating poltergeist, his eyes glowing an eerie bright green, his wild mane of hair standing on end with electricity as anger loosed his juices. "Why should I change, I am the ghost with the most? So I cause a little shit now and then, I could destroy all of Neitherworld if I wanted to, they should just be thankful I don't. Or are the wimps that threatened of me?"

Juno flicked her ash, not bothering to aim for an ashtray. "Don't get so full of yourself. Do you really think your more powerful then Death?"

Unexpectedly the wind died down but the green glow remained. He continued to float with his fists jammed in his pockets, as if containing in an emotion he wanted to hide. It was strange for him to calm down so easily.

Choosing to ignore his unusual behavior (it was a nice change after all) she continued. "Besides, all your past misdeeds have not gone unforgotten. One good deed. As small as it was, since it was done for your own selfishness will not make up for your past."

"One good deed never goes unpunished."He grumbled. "and people wonder why I won't do them."

Juno sighed."Just be a good boy and you won't have anything to worry about. I know that is harder for you then it sounds." she then turned her attention to the mess around the room, a tired look settling into her features. "You can go." she waved him off distractedly. "You've been here long enough."

Beetlejuice immediately perked. "Don't have to tell me twice." He raised his hand about to snap his fingers, then paused. "By the way, may I ask how Lydia is these days?"

She knew what is question was implying. "Better, now that you are_ completely_ out of her life."

If he understood he showed no sign.

"Leave her alone, Beetlejuice, it won't help your situation!" She called out at the instant he snapped and disappeared. She wondered if he had heard her. _Suppose it doesn't matter. Erasing her memory didn't stop him the last time either_.

Relieved by his absence, Juno peeled back the packaging of a new Peter Hackson pack. With Beetlejuice around she would find herself inhaling them like they were her only source of oxygen (not that the dead needed to breathe). As she began to draw a cigarette the pack was swiftly plucked from her fingers. Beetlejuice tucked it into his striped jacket then grabbed her by the head and gave her a disgusting kiss on the forehead with cartoon mimicry, before juicing once again.

Juno used a sleeve to wipe her forehead. "Good luck, you'll need lots of it."


End file.
